Lost my mum and two dear friends to breast cancer - this is an incredibly brave - and helpful - piece of writing. Iām 65 and my mum died at 66 and I have my routine mammogram on Wednesday. Thank you for writing this.
I am so sorry to hear that about your mum and friends, and wishing you all the best for the mammogram on Wednesday. Hope you have something nice planned for yourself after š
Thank you - trying not to make a big deal of it but definitely a huge sigh of relief if I get the all clear. It really helps knowing that people do survive.
Thank you for sharing this. The part about breastfeeding made me cry, how awful for you. I'll look forward to the rest of the series, particularly the one on hormone treatment...
Ahaha - yes quite on the hormone treatment. Just what every newly married young(ish) couple wants to hear - your wife is about to get even crazier than before š
Thank you so much for sharing and for the recommendations. I will check out Reconstruction.
I had breast cancer 6 years ago and was astonished that the consultants and nurses offered absolutely no suggestions on diet at all. Like you I was just told to keep up with my already healthy diet and exercise but that is not really good enough as I also wonder what kind of support and advice patients receive that don't already have a healthy lifestyle.
I can also highly recommend a Facebook group called BRiC (Building Resilience in Breast Cancer) that was an absolute lifesaver for me.
It is just so odd when they know the specific stats (something like hormone treatment in my case giving a 7% improvement in outcome avoiding occurrence, but lifestyle/diet/exercise 60% for everyone?!)
And totally - esp when one is pretty healthy before! Albeit I didnāt really exercise much, so trying to improve on that.
Thank you so much, I am joining the group now!
Wish you the best of good health going forward - a lovely lady wrote when I was first diagnosed in her 70s, saying she had gone through all this in her 30s and was still going strong - loved it! x
No need to be sorry - I was sad/angry that no one thought to check waiting-list times & made a better plan with you. Love that Mia has made you & Pepper her priorities š
Wow!! I can't believe more people haven't commented on this. What an amazing and compelling piece of writing....thank YOU for sharing your experience so openly and creating a great resource for information and support at the same time.
I lost a very dear friend last year to a breast cancer that had spread like wildfire before it was diagnosed. Her children were a little older than yours, but watching her desperately chasing appointments through the NHS and privately was heartbreaking. Sadly, her quality of life was pretty awful once chemo started and having a reception aged little one who brought home everything single playground bug just meant she spent lots of precious time in hospital with infections instead of at home with her family.
I hope and pray that you continue your recovery and thank you so much for having the courage to share your story.ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for these links - am ordering both books. I was diagnosed with cancer at 10 weeks pregnant last year and had surgery at 16 weeks. I'm so angry on your behalf that you had to stop feeding so early - I am also feeding from one side and will probably need to stop earlier than I would like so they can do an MRI, though my surgeon is not being pushy about when this happens. I hope you are enjoying your beautiful baby now.
Oh Harriet, Iām so sorry to hear you went through this in pregnancy as well, just the worst. I am very glad you have managed to start & continue feeding and werenāt told to stop - it really is a balm to be able to (and if your baby is a slow feeder like mine were itās a nice sit down for 30-45 minutes š) Wishing you all the best for the eventual MRI - there are specialists who can advise on things like relactation even after a break of several months, unfo I couldnāt do this because of the hormone meds but it was soothing to think that I could have at the earlier stages. DM if you want to vent or if any qus, v happy to help. And yes, adore Mia - weāre mildly obsessed with each other now š
Thank you so much! And that's interesting to know about relactation, I hadn't even thought about that. Definitely some more investigation needed I think. And all my best wishes to you and Mia š
All good wishes to you for your treatment. I had a diagnosis in October 18, and finished all my treatments just as lockdown started. Iām in awe of the courage it takes to get through the variety of cancer treatment especially when you are pregnant or with a small human to care for. Keep thinking positively and move as much as you can. The wide range of options for combatting cancer is seemingly never ending and the success of different drugs are increasingly important for a healthy result. I agree about the lack of solid and consistent advice about lifestyle and diet but fear itās more to do with the intense pressure the NHS finds itself under. I certainly had to do a lot of research myself.
Just to pop in and say Iām sorry to hear about your diagnosis Jane, Iām v glad to hear you were all done by the time lockdown began. Yes good point on the stretched resources x
Apologies for not addressing you properly Rukmini, I posted without thinking. How are you doing now? Howās life with your baby? Are you feeling better?
Thanks. Iād got a partner who had finished his masters in sports psychology and encouraged me to use our static bike to cycle everyday. I used to put my cycle shorts and T-shirt at the bottom of the bed and thatās what I picked up and put on first thing every morning and sat on the bike with a cup of tea getting my music or podcast primed and Iād pedal consistently for minimum thirty minutes. It built up to double that as I got better. Insane to think that I was fitter doing that through chemotherapy than I have been since treatment finished and life threw a curved ball in the form of caring for my mother. By the end of the year Iām having access to the bike again and will resume my training!!
I wasnāt advised about any dietary thoughts by the staff, nor exercise or alcohol consumption. I wasnāt advised surprised by that as I suspected that it could be relevant. I eat very well without meat so I was able to tolerate some food with chemo. I kind of expected a handbook reference though! Plus advice on how to obtain a cover for your pic lines you can shower with out damaging the dressing and tubes! Hey ho- got through it eventually. š
I am certain this will be of enormous help to others. It must have been so difficult to write, but what a brave and generous piece of writing it is. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you. A lump was discovered in my breast a couple of years ago, which thankfully turned out to be benign, but I shall never forget that fearful couple of weeks and how amazing the hospital staff were.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My aunt is getting breast cancer treatment at the moment and itās strangely comforting to hear other peopleās stories and get excellent advice. Also (and I know this is a bit besides the point) but my goodness I love your writing and I could ālistenā to you all day š
Iām so sorry to hear your aunt is going through this too, and wish her all the best for her treatment š That is very kind of you on the writing! Sometimes it comes out well and I hit āpublishā, but my drafts folder is full of all the bits that donāt quite flow š
I didn't want to read and run. You are so kind to share your learnings in this post. And I am so so sorry about your feeding journey, that is awful awful awful. My heart goes out to you xx
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Like you say, I wish that women didnāt need to read this post but sadly Iām sure many will. Iām so sorry you had to go through this, cancer diagnosis is grim at any time, but pregnancy and post birth are such a vulnerable period of our lives. I have just been diagnosed with stage 2 melanoma and I am 19 weeks pregnant with my second child, and whilst the cancer is different, I relate to so many of your points (the constant chasing for diagnosis, the agony over not being able to breastfeed this time round due to treatment, being passed from pillar to post in the NHS, lack of consideration around the impact of not being able to BF, and news being delivered less than sensitively). Itās heartening to read your story now youāre on the āother sideā and I will definitely check out some of those links. Sending healthy and positive vibes ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Marie Iām so sorry to hear that, it is so bloody unfair at any time and during a pregnancy it feels doubly so. But you got it checked out & I hope the treatment going forward is timely so you can focus on getting some rest (haha, as if during a second pregnancy). Healthy and positive vibes to you too, and if you want to vent or if can help with any hospital chasing ideas please do send a DM. (Best advice I got from social media was to ābe the squeaky hingeā and when one part of my treatment was being delayed for ridic hospital admin reasons (which would have put follow up treatment way outside the NICE guideline recommended time frame) I kicked off to the CEO of the hospital, copied in the head of department and my MP and it worked - nothing like a cross pregnant woman sending emotive emails about going to the press š¬ (going to write up the longer version of this next time.) It is so frustrating to have to advocate for your own care though and we really shouldnāt have to! Look after yourself & wishing you all the best for treatment & with the pregnancy & birth x
Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult story with such honesty and courage . As a mother of two, my heart goes out to you. I canāt imagine how tough that must have been to have to stop breastfeeding and live this all - iām really so deeply sorry and moved by this and , at the same time , iām relieved youāre here and being better yourself and with the little one. Sending you love and strength. š
This is so generous of you to write, Rukmini. Iām so sorry you went through all of this. The breastfeeding bit was like a knife through my chest. I feel like itās impossible to fathom how awful it can be when breastfeeding doesnāt get to go how you planned, until it happens. It broke my heart to hear how wronged you were and how cavalier they were. Iām glad you were able to get therapy. Sending lots of love to you. ā¤ļø
Oh my goodness Iām so sorry this happened to you! I had a scare last year and had the biopsy with a giant needle while also having a mammogram. The waiting absolutely did me in, I have no idea how youāve got through this and as for them making you stop breastfeedingā¦ Iām so glad youāve been seeking counselling as that is just brutal (and so unhelpful as the breastfeeding would have kept your oestrogen levels down anyway!!). Youāve managed to write about this brilliantly and with heart and humour and I know it will be of huge help to so many. Also, love your food x
Thank you Rukmini for sharing your vulnerability, rage and healing. Whether you have written from your wound or your scar, your experience and the story you share is an important one for all to read. Not just women, but men too, for together they make up our community of support, whether it is professional, personal of in a community sense.
The vison of you and Mia in a darkened room, both enveloped in the maternal mantel, soothed and nurtured by each other is one that will stay with me, and it will for you and Mia too. Speak to her of that time, when you cradle her to sleep, it will fill any spaces your pain has formed. I wish you and your family, perfect health and harmony in all things Rukmini.
Thank you for such a kind, thoughful message Lisa - I hadnāt thought of telling Mia but agree that would be a lovely thing to do, and include it in the memory books Iām making for the children (Albaās hospital entry is more like āyour dad & I looked at each other & wondered what on earth to do with a newbornā š)
My sister had breast cancer a few years ago and then a double mastectomy last year while my Mum is now going through for another type of cancer. I find it very helpful to hear from people who went through something similar.
Also I have also not been able to breastfeed (my newborn who was in NICU didn't latch, my milk never came in - must have been too stressed at the hospital) and it was devastating for me. So I can relate with you on that. But now luckily we have our beautiful babies/toddlers and can enjoy them nonetheless.
Iām so sorry to hear about your sister & Mum having to go through the surgery & treatment AnaĆÆs, and hope all goes very well with their continued care.
Oh gosh and the feeding - it is so devastating. But yes, having the lovely babies & toddlers is a balm :)
Lost my mum and two dear friends to breast cancer - this is an incredibly brave - and helpful - piece of writing. Iām 65 and my mum died at 66 and I have my routine mammogram on Wednesday. Thank you for writing this.
I am so sorry to hear that about your mum and friends, and wishing you all the best for the mammogram on Wednesday. Hope you have something nice planned for yourself after š
Thank you - trying not to make a big deal of it but definitely a huge sigh of relief if I get the all clear. It really helps knowing that people do survive.
Oh Rukmini. What a towering piece this is. Thank you.
Ah that is very kind! I edited out a lot of swearing to get it to a less cross post š¬
š
Thank you for sharing this. The part about breastfeeding made me cry, how awful for you. I'll look forward to the rest of the series, particularly the one on hormone treatment...
Iām so sorry it made you cry!
Ahaha - yes quite on the hormone treatment. Just what every newly married young(ish) couple wants to hear - your wife is about to get even crazier than before š
Thank you so much for sharing and for the recommendations. I will check out Reconstruction.
I had breast cancer 6 years ago and was astonished that the consultants and nurses offered absolutely no suggestions on diet at all. Like you I was just told to keep up with my already healthy diet and exercise but that is not really good enough as I also wonder what kind of support and advice patients receive that don't already have a healthy lifestyle.
I can also highly recommend a Facebook group called BRiC (Building Resilience in Breast Cancer) that was an absolute lifesaver for me.
It is just so odd when they know the specific stats (something like hormone treatment in my case giving a 7% improvement in outcome avoiding occurrence, but lifestyle/diet/exercise 60% for everyone?!)
And totally - esp when one is pretty healthy before! Albeit I didnāt really exercise much, so trying to improve on that.
Thank you so much, I am joining the group now!
Wish you the best of good health going forward - a lovely lady wrote when I was first diagnosed in her 70s, saying she had gone through all this in her 30s and was still going strong - loved it! x
Thank you, for such clear, honest writing and for sharing it freely.
I'm so sorry you couldn't breastfeed for longer, I cried reading that section. ā¤ļø
That is so kind, but I am sorry to have made you cry! Am generally in denial, but Mia is such a lovely happy baby in every other way and a proper mummyās girl (her two words are āMama!ā and āPepper!ā for the dog) - def caught up on the bonding to the extent am mildly obsessed with her and vice versa :) š©·
No need to be sorry - I was sad/angry that no one thought to check waiting-list times & made a better plan with you. Love that Mia has made you & Pepper her priorities š
Wow!! I can't believe more people haven't commented on this. What an amazing and compelling piece of writing....thank YOU for sharing your experience so openly and creating a great resource for information and support at the same time.
I lost a very dear friend last year to a breast cancer that had spread like wildfire before it was diagnosed. Her children were a little older than yours, but watching her desperately chasing appointments through the NHS and privately was heartbreaking. Sadly, her quality of life was pretty awful once chemo started and having a reception aged little one who brought home everything single playground bug just meant she spent lots of precious time in hospital with infections instead of at home with her family.
I hope and pray that you continue your recovery and thank you so much for having the courage to share your story.ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for writing - I am so sorry to hear about your friend, that is truly heartbreaking xx
Thank you so much for these links - am ordering both books. I was diagnosed with cancer at 10 weeks pregnant last year and had surgery at 16 weeks. I'm so angry on your behalf that you had to stop feeding so early - I am also feeding from one side and will probably need to stop earlier than I would like so they can do an MRI, though my surgeon is not being pushy about when this happens. I hope you are enjoying your beautiful baby now.
Oh Harriet, Iām so sorry to hear you went through this in pregnancy as well, just the worst. I am very glad you have managed to start & continue feeding and werenāt told to stop - it really is a balm to be able to (and if your baby is a slow feeder like mine were itās a nice sit down for 30-45 minutes š) Wishing you all the best for the eventual MRI - there are specialists who can advise on things like relactation even after a break of several months, unfo I couldnāt do this because of the hormone meds but it was soothing to think that I could have at the earlier stages. DM if you want to vent or if any qus, v happy to help. And yes, adore Mia - weāre mildly obsessed with each other now š
Thank you so much! And that's interesting to know about relactation, I hadn't even thought about that. Definitely some more investigation needed I think. And all my best wishes to you and Mia š
All good wishes to you for your treatment. I had a diagnosis in October 18, and finished all my treatments just as lockdown started. Iām in awe of the courage it takes to get through the variety of cancer treatment especially when you are pregnant or with a small human to care for. Keep thinking positively and move as much as you can. The wide range of options for combatting cancer is seemingly never ending and the success of different drugs are increasingly important for a healthy result. I agree about the lack of solid and consistent advice about lifestyle and diet but fear itās more to do with the intense pressure the NHS finds itself under. I certainly had to do a lot of research myself.
Take care x
Just to pop in and say Iām sorry to hear about your diagnosis Jane, Iām v glad to hear you were all done by the time lockdown began. Yes good point on the stretched resources x
Apologies for not addressing you properly Rukmini, I posted without thinking. How are you doing now? Howās life with your baby? Are you feeling better?
Thanks. Iād got a partner who had finished his masters in sports psychology and encouraged me to use our static bike to cycle everyday. I used to put my cycle shorts and T-shirt at the bottom of the bed and thatās what I picked up and put on first thing every morning and sat on the bike with a cup of tea getting my music or podcast primed and Iād pedal consistently for minimum thirty minutes. It built up to double that as I got better. Insane to think that I was fitter doing that through chemotherapy than I have been since treatment finished and life threw a curved ball in the form of caring for my mother. By the end of the year Iām having access to the bike again and will resume my training!!
I wasnāt advised about any dietary thoughts by the staff, nor exercise or alcohol consumption. I wasnāt advised surprised by that as I suspected that it could be relevant. I eat very well without meat so I was able to tolerate some food with chemo. I kind of expected a handbook reference though! Plus advice on how to obtain a cover for your pic lines you can shower with out damaging the dressing and tubes! Hey ho- got through it eventually. š
Thank you! They really do need to say about the exercise thing, I had no idea. Will definitely try and step mine up now.
I am certain this will be of enormous help to others. It must have been so difficult to write, but what a brave and generous piece of writing it is. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you. A lump was discovered in my breast a couple of years ago, which thankfully turned out to be benign, but I shall never forget that fearful couple of weeks and how amazing the hospital staff were.
Thanks so much Deborah - what a relief, Iām very glad it turned out to be benign for you. The waiting to find out is the worst!
Yes it took about a year before I could write much more than a shopping list but finally got it out.
I am so glad you are now well.
I have just had your mushroom ragu - absolutely delicious, thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this. My aunt is getting breast cancer treatment at the moment and itās strangely comforting to hear other peopleās stories and get excellent advice. Also (and I know this is a bit besides the point) but my goodness I love your writing and I could ālistenā to you all day š
Iām so sorry to hear your aunt is going through this too, and wish her all the best for her treatment š That is very kind of you on the writing! Sometimes it comes out well and I hit āpublishā, but my drafts folder is full of all the bits that donāt quite flow š
I didn't want to read and run. You are so kind to share your learnings in this post. And I am so so sorry about your feeding journey, that is awful awful awful. My heart goes out to you xx
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Like you say, I wish that women didnāt need to read this post but sadly Iām sure many will. Iām so sorry you had to go through this, cancer diagnosis is grim at any time, but pregnancy and post birth are such a vulnerable period of our lives. I have just been diagnosed with stage 2 melanoma and I am 19 weeks pregnant with my second child, and whilst the cancer is different, I relate to so many of your points (the constant chasing for diagnosis, the agony over not being able to breastfeed this time round due to treatment, being passed from pillar to post in the NHS, lack of consideration around the impact of not being able to BF, and news being delivered less than sensitively). Itās heartening to read your story now youāre on the āother sideā and I will definitely check out some of those links. Sending healthy and positive vibes ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Marie Iām so sorry to hear that, it is so bloody unfair at any time and during a pregnancy it feels doubly so. But you got it checked out & I hope the treatment going forward is timely so you can focus on getting some rest (haha, as if during a second pregnancy). Healthy and positive vibes to you too, and if you want to vent or if can help with any hospital chasing ideas please do send a DM. (Best advice I got from social media was to ābe the squeaky hingeā and when one part of my treatment was being delayed for ridic hospital admin reasons (which would have put follow up treatment way outside the NICE guideline recommended time frame) I kicked off to the CEO of the hospital, copied in the head of department and my MP and it worked - nothing like a cross pregnant woman sending emotive emails about going to the press š¬ (going to write up the longer version of this next time.) It is so frustrating to have to advocate for your own care though and we really shouldnāt have to! Look after yourself & wishing you all the best for treatment & with the pregnancy & birth x
Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult story with such honesty and courage . As a mother of two, my heart goes out to you. I canāt imagine how tough that must have been to have to stop breastfeeding and live this all - iām really so deeply sorry and moved by this and , at the same time , iām relieved youāre here and being better yourself and with the little one. Sending you love and strength. š
This is so generous of you to write, Rukmini. Iām so sorry you went through all of this. The breastfeeding bit was like a knife through my chest. I feel like itās impossible to fathom how awful it can be when breastfeeding doesnāt get to go how you planned, until it happens. It broke my heart to hear how wronged you were and how cavalier they were. Iām glad you were able to get therapy. Sending lots of love to you. ā¤ļø
Oh my goodness Iām so sorry this happened to you! I had a scare last year and had the biopsy with a giant needle while also having a mammogram. The waiting absolutely did me in, I have no idea how youāve got through this and as for them making you stop breastfeedingā¦ Iām so glad youāve been seeking counselling as that is just brutal (and so unhelpful as the breastfeeding would have kept your oestrogen levels down anyway!!). Youāve managed to write about this brilliantly and with heart and humour and I know it will be of huge help to so many. Also, love your food x
Thank you Rukmini for sharing your vulnerability, rage and healing. Whether you have written from your wound or your scar, your experience and the story you share is an important one for all to read. Not just women, but men too, for together they make up our community of support, whether it is professional, personal of in a community sense.
The vison of you and Mia in a darkened room, both enveloped in the maternal mantel, soothed and nurtured by each other is one that will stay with me, and it will for you and Mia too. Speak to her of that time, when you cradle her to sleep, it will fill any spaces your pain has formed. I wish you and your family, perfect health and harmony in all things Rukmini.
Thank you for such a kind, thoughful message Lisa - I hadnāt thought of telling Mia but agree that would be a lovely thing to do, and include it in the memory books Iām making for the children (Albaās hospital entry is more like āyour dad & I looked at each other & wondered what on earth to do with a newbornā š)
Thank you for sharing this! This is so brave!
My sister had breast cancer a few years ago and then a double mastectomy last year while my Mum is now going through for another type of cancer. I find it very helpful to hear from people who went through something similar.
Also I have also not been able to breastfeed (my newborn who was in NICU didn't latch, my milk never came in - must have been too stressed at the hospital) and it was devastating for me. So I can relate with you on that. But now luckily we have our beautiful babies/toddlers and can enjoy them nonetheless.
Thank you
Iām so sorry to hear about your sister & Mum having to go through the surgery & treatment AnaĆÆs, and hope all goes very well with their continued care.
Oh gosh and the feeding - it is so devastating. But yes, having the lovely babies & toddlers is a balm :)